This is neither one of my funny posts, nor a serious one. It’s just something that I would share with the world.
I’m not a person that gets scared easily, neither the one that loses her mind at every bad happenings nor I ignore it. I pay attention to every details of it, missing nothing, sometimes I jot them down , in a memo pad, somewhere, in my brain. I often work on it and make it better, and oath to not repeat the same mistake, ever, again. But then, I often fail in one particular subject, the one which is way more difficult than Calculus. Funny it sounds – its commonly known as “ the art of reading faces”. I came along my way, knowing many people, but just a few, turned out to be who they say they are. And I’m proud to have known them in my life , well among the people in masks, I’ve found genuine ones!
But the fact that I know some humans are trustable, at a point wasn’t really helping me to diminish the fear I had inside of me. The fear of investing my time and feelings on the wrong person ( or a group) . I bet everyone knows how it feels when your heart is broken. The pain is so real, that you actually think there is someone sticking knife on your heart. As terrible it sounds, the feeling of it, is always gazillionth times worst! Now, imagine me, going through that , over and over again, like a cycle. HELL ! I’m not trying to project myself as a victim here, but I’m just sharing stuffs – * I never thought , this could be so difficult *
Well, I am not saying that I am a super nice person, but I know I won’t be able to make someone’s life a living hell. I’m not a backstabber. And I always protect my friends. I stood by these “good people” during their worst days – and they still choose to go away, in an ugly situation. Broke my trust and heart , worst made me felt so dumb, and had me doubting my own judgement *Gosh how people change, like so fast* . Most of them often seem to be naive and sweethearts, and when their mask are ripped off, they turned out, to be a devil in disguise. The sad thing is that, I believed the mask they were wearing as the truth, and judged them, based on their fake personality ( well, of course , I don’t know it was fake back then 😛 ). Disappointments kept pouring in my life, that at a point, I gave up judging and trusting people, from quickly, to not at all.
But as usual, that too, didn’t last long. Yes, I’ve started to trust people, again, but my previous experiences, became a huge help in my process of judging people. Most of the time, I was right. And yes, I’ve learned lessons, lots of lessons. First and foremost, I’ve learned that human feelings are not constant. I’ve learned that, the sweetest, and nicest ones are often the devil in disguise. I’ve learned that I need to make peace with myself, when I make mistakes. And I’ve also learned that, I am my own best friend, and I am the only one that knows me better than anyone, and I must put myself at the top place in my priority list.
As time flies, and I grew older, many things came into my mind. I’ve started to realize that whatever happened, happened for a very good reason. And for that reason , I’ve escaped from the worst mistake I could make , in my whole – and that is having “toxic” people around *I’ve happily detoxified my life now :P* . And all that happened, taught me many good things, that will be my guideline, throughout my life journey. My experiences have shaped me into who I am today, and made me a stronger person. Someone that I am proud off. Well, life is not a straight road. Without the curves and loops, we’re not going to be grateful when we reach the destination.
I would love to spend time with my good friends, but to be honest, I actually prefer to spend most of my time, alone. It makes me feel more secure and gives me a peaceful state of mind. And I love being in my own world.